So yesterday I was at church. Listening to music, listening to the sermon and the prayers. This time it was different. This time it hit me a bit more. This sermon was geared for those superficial christians. I started asking myself questions...am I being superficial with my christianity? Do I like going to church just to listen to music or to have a moment of peace? Dont get me wrong, I have been feeling more christ like, but I still kept asking myself is this because of Hanna? Or am I becoming a changed christian as I feel as I am. (**Dont get me wrong, I have always been a christian...just not to the point where I want to be). The honest answer was...I just dont know. But at the end of the service (and I am so glad that Mya's biting incident happened after his strongest point...that's a WHOLE new story), the pastor helped me find out that answer by praying for the congregation...This was the prayer...God, help me become more of a REAL follower and not a superficial follower. Help me understand that you are REAL and live within me by showing me some time this week...some time, some where.....
I prayed this prayer so many times yesterday. I prayed as soon as we got in the car (After the long talk with our little biter), I prayed this on my evening run, I prayed this after watching the beautiful opening ceremony of the Cowboys game, I prayed this before I went to bed! I just kept wondering how in the world is he going to show me.
God is REAL, God is WITHIN me, God is AWESOME
This morning (Monday morning...the day after this repeated prayer) I received a phone call from Dr. Marcin. He started off by saying, Im so sorry that I am going to have to put you back on this emotional rollercoaster. He told me that when he saw Hanna the last time he didnt want to put too much false hope into my head so he refrained from telling me. But after talking and visiting with 3 other specialists they have all agreed that Hanna is a Miracle baby (ok, those are my words) and would not need to have this surgery after all. (In 6 months we will revisit). And although we will revisit in 6 months (with the possibility of surgery), Dr. Marcin does not forsee that happening! Her head has changed shape, but not to the degree of change that he would expect to see from a child that really truley needs this surgery! Now how do you like that for a quick response from God!!
I can not tell you in words how excited I am!!! I started crying on the phone (due to all the excitement I was feeling). Dr. Marcin sat in silence until I got my composure. After I got control he explained to me he feels like Hanna as his own and feels so sorry that this answer is so hard. He explained to me (as he has in the past) that he has a 18 mo old daughter and he feels for me!
So this is where we are now...and I like it here!!!
Love to all!!
**Now, even though this blog wont be continued or even helpful for those mothers needing support...maybe just maybe superficial christians that want to believe more can have a story that will help guide them!!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Prayers Answered!
So this past Tues Hanna had her pre-op appt with Dr. Czewinki (aka: Dr. C)...easier to say! ;) Lately what has really been bothering me is that I just didn't feel 100% confident with what decision we were making. Like I have said before, there have been a few drs that have asked, "Are you sure you should be doing this, she just doesnt look that bad?" Dr. C has always said, of course this is your decision but through his experience as well as 3 other well known craniologists said they feel that this is the right decision. But I kept asking myself: Just how bad is this?? In my eyes its just not that bad (or is that because I am her mother and in my eyes she is perfect!) Then I would ask myself: what if we dont do it? And this is a question I have asked the Drs several times. The answer is, I dont know. It will for sure get worse, but how much worse I can't tell you that. Supposedly the suture that has closed can close anywhere from 1 year to 8 years of age. So if her suture was "supposed" to close at 5 years old, then the condition could get a lot worse because it has a lot more growing to do. (If any of this sounds confusing, thats ok...because it is confusing to me too!) So we just dont know what could happen a few years down the road. They are also not certain on what it would do to her intellectually if we don't get this fixed, but as Dr. C always says, only one can imagine if your brain is being squeezed in one area. So because I had so many questions going into this appointment, I just prayed and prayed (all the way to Temple) that I would leave this appointment feeling 100% confident that we were doing the right thing! I also prayed, please don't let me question myself anymore on whether or not we should do this... (due to the fact that I need to prepare myself for what Hanna is about to go through). I am so happy to say that my prayers were answered! I am 100% confident that we are doing the right thing, and I have never let those questions enter my head since leaving that appointment. And I feel GREAT that we are doing this to better Hanna's life.
While we were in the appointment Dr. C went over all the questions that I had and talked about each one thoroughly. What I love about this doctor is that he does not make me feel stupid, as stupid as the question may be! He asked me if I wanted to see pictures of an actual surgery. I said yes, I needed to see it. If my daughter can actually go through it, then I need to be able to be strong enough to look at pictures. It was pretty gruesome and I will not go into details buut what I can say about this procedure is I am AMAZED at the stuff that doctors can do these days!
Dr. C also told me about what I can expect. I do plan on posting pictures of what Hanna looks like after surgery. We have planned on Hanna being in the hospital for about 3 days. Intensive care for 1 or 2 days, depending on her blood level, and then 1 or 2 days on the regular floor. The Dr. has warned me that her eyes will be swollen shut for 4-5 days and her head will be extremely swollen. So these two things are freaking me out a bit right now. Supposedly after her eyes begin to open then she will start to act like the little girl we all know. She may be a little more clingy at first...(how awesome is that...I just get to hug on her more!) I asked how much pain she should be in and the Dr told me that in his older patients that go through this they say there isn't so much pain (surprisingly enough), the part that is so hard on the patients is the swelling of head and eyes.
The part that made me feel as though we are doing the right thing is when I saw Hanna's pictures. These pictures are from the first meeting and pictures from about 4 weeks ago. After looking at the pictures I see HUGE changes, and not positive changes. So, right at that time I said, yes, we are doing the right thing.
After Dr. C went through all the "possible complications"...no need to mention...I signed consents and off I went!
More than likely after surgery I will stay in Temple until her post op appointment, which will be two weeks later. Heikki will more than likely come home after her surgery (and after she opens her eyes so she can see her Daddy!)
This drive home was much different than last time (and for the better). I called Heikki and mom with a clear head. I know in my heart and mind that we are doing the right thing. I want this day to get here so bad! I want her recovery to start ASAP! I keep telling myself....by Halloween, Hanna is going to be her normal little self and trick or treating with her big sister!
Hanna will begin injections and medicine next week. Until Hanna's next update, more prayers are wanted and appreciated!
Love to All,
Hanna's Mommy
While we were in the appointment Dr. C went over all the questions that I had and talked about each one thoroughly. What I love about this doctor is that he does not make me feel stupid, as stupid as the question may be! He asked me if I wanted to see pictures of an actual surgery. I said yes, I needed to see it. If my daughter can actually go through it, then I need to be able to be strong enough to look at pictures. It was pretty gruesome and I will not go into details buut what I can say about this procedure is I am AMAZED at the stuff that doctors can do these days!
Dr. C also told me about what I can expect. I do plan on posting pictures of what Hanna looks like after surgery. We have planned on Hanna being in the hospital for about 3 days. Intensive care for 1 or 2 days, depending on her blood level, and then 1 or 2 days on the regular floor. The Dr. has warned me that her eyes will be swollen shut for 4-5 days and her head will be extremely swollen. So these two things are freaking me out a bit right now. Supposedly after her eyes begin to open then she will start to act like the little girl we all know. She may be a little more clingy at first...(how awesome is that...I just get to hug on her more!) I asked how much pain she should be in and the Dr told me that in his older patients that go through this they say there isn't so much pain (surprisingly enough), the part that is so hard on the patients is the swelling of head and eyes.
The part that made me feel as though we are doing the right thing is when I saw Hanna's pictures. These pictures are from the first meeting and pictures from about 4 weeks ago. After looking at the pictures I see HUGE changes, and not positive changes. So, right at that time I said, yes, we are doing the right thing.
After Dr. C went through all the "possible complications"...no need to mention...I signed consents and off I went!
More than likely after surgery I will stay in Temple until her post op appointment, which will be two weeks later. Heikki will more than likely come home after her surgery (and after she opens her eyes so she can see her Daddy!)
This drive home was much different than last time (and for the better). I called Heikki and mom with a clear head. I know in my heart and mind that we are doing the right thing. I want this day to get here so bad! I want her recovery to start ASAP! I keep telling myself....by Halloween, Hanna is going to be her normal little self and trick or treating with her big sister!
Hanna will begin injections and medicine next week. Until Hanna's next update, more prayers are wanted and appreciated!
Love to All,
Hanna's Mommy
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